I cannot believe that people make jokes about lawyers. Sure there is the occasional misdeed and bad apples, but overall, we rock! I am sure you are as shocked as I am. To prove how squeaky clean we are, I Googled “lawyer jokes” as compared to other careers and got the following results:
- “Lawyer Jokes” – 473,000 results
- “Contractor Jokes” – 671,000 results
- “Accounting Jokes” – 2,690,000 results
- “Doctor Jokes” – 2,920,000 results
- “Teacher Jokes” – 12,200,000 results
Heck, even “Shepherd Jokes” got 8,920,000 results. Ha, take that, shepherds!
So given the rarity of sources, where was I able to even find three lawyer jokes? For those of you who suggested “any three of your posts”, you get a demerit.
- A woman walked into her attorney’s office asking for an estate plan. He said he would be happy to assist her, but he required a $5,000 retainer. She wrote the check and gave it to him. He thanked her and asked her to tell him about her estate. She replied, “You just took it.”
* From the very readable “The Complete Book of Wills, Estates & Trusts” by Alexander A. Bove, Jr., Esq. Click on the title to check it out (no worries – mine is an unpaid, unsolicited recommendation).
- A local charity office realized that it had never received a donation from the town’s most successful lawyer. The director called him, hoping to get a contribution. “Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn’t you like to give back to the community in some way?”
The lawyer replied, “First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?” Embarrassed, the director mumbled, “Um…no.
“Or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?” The stricken director began to stammer out an apology but was interrupted.
” . . . or that my sister’s husband died in a traffic accident,” the lawyer’s voice rising in indignation, “leaving her penniless with three children?!”
The humiliated director said simply, “I had no idea . .”
“So if I don’t give any money to them, why should I give any to you?
* From PA attorney Dan B. Evans, Esq.’s excellent estate planning website.
- NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one could go and couldn’t return to Earth.
The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going. “A million dollars,” he answered, “because I want to donate it to M.I.T.”
The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question. He asked for $2 million. “I want to give a million to my family,” he explained, “and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research.”
The last applicant was a lawyer. When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer’s ear, “Three million dollars.”
“Why so much more than the others?” asked the interviewer.
The lawyer replied, “If you give me $3 million, I’ll give you $1 million, I’ll keep $1 million, and we’ll send the engineer to Mars.”
* From NYC corporate & securities lawyer Martha M. Dwyer, Esq.’s site, which has its own lawyer jokes page.